At this point in my author career, I have published 25 titles over four different series. It’s been a very tedious journey, but I have learned a lot about the writing craft and publishing industry. It can be cruel and remorseless, but I still love to write.

However, I can no longer say that I still love to read.

Stephen King famously said, “If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.” I lived by that mantra for over a decade. But the more I published, the more I struggled to abide by it.

Why? Because I know how the sausage is made.

It’s the same for any endeavor. If you decide to make homemade pasta with proper technique and the best ingredients, then you will slowly gain a deeper appreciation for the dish. Generic pasta will lose appeal because your mind has been forever altered. You now know what pasta is supposed to taste like.

This also happens in art. Once you understand the inner workings of how a good movie is made, how a quality script is written, and what a skillful cinematography looks like, you are forced to apply that filter to everything you watch. You can no longer appreciate a mediocre film because the flaws scream at you from every direction. It makes decent movies a slog and bad movies unwatchable. (This isn’t to say that you can’t enjoy average films, you just lose the ability to overlook the defects.)

Unfortunately, this is where I find myself with fiction. Specifically, with science fiction.

I have a large to-read pile from authors I respect and enjoy. I work through it on a regular basis and savor the stories at a leisurely pace. At least, I used to. A few years ago, my reading slowed to a stop. I still had the appetite, but I lacked the motivation. It took me a while to realize that reading had become a chore. I could no longer enjoy the ride because I was too busy picking apart the flaws. It was a frustrating new reality that I couldn’t shake.

Thankfully, I was able to rescue myself by doing two key things.

First, I stopped playing where I ate. A simple shift away from science fiction was enough to regain some desire. I started reading thrillers, memoirs, and nonfiction. The latter has been particularly effective because my brain has always been hungry. I was the kid who thumbed through the encyclopedia for fun. These days, reading a book-length dive into an interesting topic feels like a treat.

And second, I stopped using an eReader and returned to paperbacks. My life is dominated by screens because I work as a programmer. When the work day ends, the last thing I want to do is pick up a tablet. This became a bigger problem as I entered middle age, because my eyes ain’t what they used to be. Reading from a screen became unpleasant at a baseline. Coupled with genre fatigue, my pleasure reading was nonexistent. The switch back to physical books has helped my eyes recover and restored a sense of recreation.

As an added bonus, reading paperbacks has eliminated the burden of choice. I have three books sitting beside my chair. When I finish one, I replace it with another. What I don’t see is a vast digital library (or annoying ads) whenever I power a tablet.

I should also note that there is a massive movement back to physical media. Subscription prices keep increasing and corporations are stealing back the digital content that customers purchase, which has sparked a furious push-back in the name of ownership. Customers are now seeking physical copies of music, movies, games, and books. They want true ownership, not dubious licensing.

Putting it all together, I realized that my reading was suffering from a one-two punch of knowledge and constraint. In tackling them as separate problems, I was able to pivot and restore some motivation.

Maybe one day I will enjoy science fiction again, but I know I need some distance. I need to accept a cool premise without immediately questioning the mechanics. I need to invest in a cool character without immediately questioning their purpose. And above all else, I need to remember that I was a new author too. Great stories are hidden inside valiant efforts. I am allowed to enjoy a cool idea without deconstructing the narrative.

This isn’t to say that I shun indies in favor of titans. The next Foundation books from Asimov have been sitting at the top of my to-read pile for years. I loved the original trilogy, but every time I start book four, I can’t make it two chapters without caving to apathy. I know I like the story, I know I want to read it, but I just … can’t.

So now I wait.

In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy books that my author brain can’t critique. Perhaps in the future, when I have fully retired and wholly detached from publishing, I will pick up those Asimov books again and finally finish the saga.

And maybe, just maybe, enjoy the ride.